This is a post on facebook that a client (in couples counselling) shared with me following her appointment with her fiancé. We had a breakthrough session, where their individual truths were expressed, tears were shed and healing strides were made.
Both clients are loving, caring, kind, good people who found each other following painful separations..... and for the most part, do really well together. But when they hit their walls.....communication suffers, distance is created...and tsunami like feelings of hurt, abandonment, fear, anxiety, annihilation.....cause them to relate in ways they would never readily see as possible in themselves. She came from a home where her parents were largely absent, a father working long hours and a mother with a gambling addiction that left the client at home alone at night. He came from parents with a highly conflictual relationship ending in divorce, where his deep feelings were unheard and unacknowledged, and left alone to navigate the - at times - terrifying territory. They are presenting each other with their walls....he shutting down when her anxiety surrounding connection comes up, and she...focusing on where he is “not enough” in her attempt to reign him in closer.
The above post however is not only what happens in relationships to another, but also in relationship to ourselves. The little child in the cage of the adult can be begging to be heard by the adult in us. That child may just want to play, to connect, to forgive and play again, be understood or acknowledged....she or he may even want the freedom to cry and scream at will...to have time slow down....see and be touched by wonder or magic....
But the more tightly woven that cage, each wire within an opinion, a limiting belief or judgement about ourselves...the less likely we will be able to live lives that express the needs of the child as well as the adult, the needs adult as well as the child.
If you are in conflict with yourself, and you are unwilling to forgive yourself enough to live life freely, from a place of trust, love, compassion and faith in yourself and the goodness available to you in the world...then perhaps it is time, perhaps it is a calling for you to restore these fundamental needs to your freedom, happiness and peace of mind.
Perhaps it is time to loosen the weave of that cage you have woven so tightly in an effort to protect the innocence, the naivite, the unguardedly playful, the vulnerable and trusting...the part of you that can easily be moved and touched by the wonder, kindness and generosity this world has to offer you.
If you want to explore this conflict, the one that prevents you from opening up to the life you want to manifest.....then I invite you to set up a 20 minute call to discuss what is available for you and how you can manifest it.
In the meantime, notice what these two parts are asking for, and listen. They will tell you.
Testimonials from Lillian's Clients
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