"….because I can relate to this….i will offer you this insight into myself and others who operate this way. There is a fundamental and entrenched narrative (for me) that will likely never leave”, but can be handled any time I choose. The narrative is…..”I am alone and I can only rely on myself”, or….”no one but me can do this the way I want it”. It works in the way of self-reliance, self sufficiency, power, strength and effectiveness. But…..when we need connection and trust in others to show up for us….a different narrative might work and may sound like…..”I know myself to be someone who can handle anything (on my own)….but I also know myself to be someone who revels in connection and community”. When I need to do it on my own….this old narrative has supported me and served me….but when I need connection…..the new narrative is needed. Perhaps its not an either/or, but a “what do I need right now?”
This was a reply I sent to a message posted in one of my communities from a fellow “self-developer”, an amazingly ambitious, brilliant, loving, and kind young woman in her late 20’s. I call her a fellow “self developer”, because we met at an Emotional Intelligence/Leadership Training Program in Philadelphia. Had it not been for that course, our lives may have never intersected.
She explained that she had been feeling a bit like a lone wolf, because her “normal inner support system has been dealing with other things in their lives and we haven’t been as connected.” The people in her life, on whom she relies for support, were not available to her. She goes on to say….”AND it has nothing to do with me as a person or my ability to be a leader in all that I’m up to. My ability to shift and handle breakdowns has definitely increased, and there’s nothing really *wrong*, I just feel off and a bit disconnected.”
How often have any of us felt that at one point or another in our lives?
She further and at last offers…..”The hard truth is that I get to really and truly lean into myself, to create what I want to create and create other connections. Actually open up and not just in an environment where it’s safe”.
Every one has their own hard truth…..and this was hers, at this particular time. She shared it to our community, a community of 36 people who had shared 6 months of their most intimate lives, where they took a good hard look at themselves, and how to shift their mindset and their actions, to align with the vision of their Best Lives.
With this share, a conversation ensued involving this wonderful community for a few days following.
For those of us who enjoy time on our own, who enjoy our own company, and in fact may need it to keep ourselves centred, living in our truth, in order to give of our time, whole and fully……it is an imperative that we become comfortable with this part of ourselves. We lose no one who see’s our true gifts, who witnesses our core goodness, who experiences us as precious and sacred in their lives.
By fully accepting this part and any part of ourselves we wish to keep in the shadows….we enable a full life, a meaningful and purposeful life that opens its arms to all that we are. We live a life that has meaning because it is a life where we no longer need to deny anything about ourselves, nor deny anything to ourselves.
There is a saying “we are only as needy, as our unmet needs”. What this means to say is…. we are only as hungry as the extent to which we deny ourselves food. (And one must keep in mind what food will feed our particular need/desire). Our needs will always let themselves be known…… in our life dissatisfaction, our complaints, our anger, disappointments and hurts, and in our search to meet those needs through addiction and the like. We are always striving to be whole and complete…..and all of the above expressions are signaling flags, at times small and at times enormous, waving to get attention. Your lovely attention.
Balancing those needs, and specifically to this topic, the need to be connected and supported…..with the need to be individuated (grown up), independent, and self reliant….helps us stay centered in our truth and help us create connections that support this truth. Essentially…..we are surrounded by a life that supports and nourishes our core.
Here’s to your truth, whatever that looks like.
In full support of your authentic gifts, your deep core truth……..
With love and admiration,
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