 It is one of those nights Where the demons fly in And the lit end of a cigarette Against bare skin Seems somehow Less a sin Than giving in To the promises The lies The whispers The cries Beneath their disguise Where reminders of an oath Spoken A life time ago Feels as near as Yesterday To scream so loud Still There is one You remember You wish to make to make proud So you cover your ears Against your own Despair take that next breath and…. The poem of a beautiful heart, a beautiful soul. This deep feeling deep loving of a woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, graces me with her poems on occasion, poems of hope, despair, anger, hurt, suffering, wondering, pining, wishing, wanting.......  We all have a way in which we process our emotions, our experiences of life. Poetry is one way to reach deep into our soul and retrieve its’ stirrings, its whispers, its hunger for growth, evolution, revolution, transmutation…..change. The Spoken Word is this woman's gift, and with this gift given freely to others, we all get to resonate powerfully together. In my reading, or listening of this poem, there is a testament to the depth and weight of the pain experienced. There is testament to the promises we make to others, the grips of loyalty once declared, and the struggle to break free of this promise when it no longer serves us. There also seems to be a battle within, the parts of ourselves in combat…..our ego needs to stand in the safe familiar……. in conflict with our souls desire for transformation.  We grow up, but we were once very little, tender, benevolent, curious, open and vulnerable little beings of love and light.  Programmed resiliency and thirst for survival provided us with the ability to adapt to any given environment, any given circumstance. The more rigid our adaptive strategies, the more difficult our experience of life circumstances. But here is the trick, you are extraordinarily and breathtakingly adaptive, you have what it takes to survive anything. And you already have. As my lovely friend above ends her poem…” take that next breath, and……”. You fill in the blank. Notice as you move back into the familiar as we all do, the discomfort that follows, the mind chatter that whirls through your head begging and pleading with you to have a fresh new look, to take a new unchartered path, to reach out when the past has told you “don’t you dare”. Listen to that beautiful soul of yours. Mr. James Hollis, one of my favorite soul whisperers, gives us the questions to ask this discomfort, the soul’s protests to leading a life of constricted habit and pattern.
He further and so eloquently expresses…. "Given that the most powerful and the least considered messages"....(our beliefs)...."derive from our earliest experiences of safety, peril and adaptive instruction, whenever they are activated in our psychic life, they have the power to usurp consciousness, take over and execute their archaic programs. The most powerful of these messages derive from our earliest relationships and tend to accumulate as a series of reflexive responses to the stimuli of life.  While they were once phenomenological, namely experiential and not conscious, over time they become “institutionalized” responses to the tasks, troubles and turbulence of the world. No wonder we have patterns. Letting go of them proves the most difficult of our tasks because they once were, and sometimes remain, tied to our survival, our fitting in, our acceptance of others. Old loyalties, old understandings, old commitments may very well have bound our days together in predictable ways, but these same constructs can also bind us to a disabling past or a limiting view of others. The nature of our psyche is based on change, growth, curiosity and imagination. But there are very conservative elements within us that retain a commitment to the known, the familiar, even when it is based on constrictive perspectives". And lastly….. “Only with this sort of respect fo the dialogue with the psyche can we begin to leave the old behind. Much in our history is worthy of carrying forward, and much is not. Just as we periodically clean the house, go through old clothes and fashions and discard the no longer germane, so we have to go through our accumulated histories, our driving attitudes, reflexes and responses, and discard what is no longer useful, productive, relevant, or serving growth. As St. Paul writes in his Letter to the Corinthians, when we become adults, it is time to put away childish things. Only then may we lay claim to our cooperative journeys into that unknown, which is asking us to be brave, thoughtful and courageous. Growing up is an uneasy, uncomfortable, and disquieting process, but with self understanding, self compassion, and self forgiveness…..we take notice of others on this collective journey, are comforted by this beautiful shared trip we are on, all the while getting to live lives that are a true expression of our soul’s aspirations and knowings.  When we interrupt our old patterns, a new process is possible, a new strategy can take place of the old, creating freedom, choice, a cultivation of our soul imaginings and intended lives. Please give a lovingly solid salute to your soul today. Watch her solute you back!! With love, 
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 Have you ever had a rush of emotion show up, out of the blue, randomly…. that had you question what the heck was going on?  Totally caught by surprise, you are paying attention to the emotion…..it might be telling you “run as fast as you can”, “Im not ready for this”, “Im not allowed to feel this for him (her)”, “I can’t do this”, and alternatively……you may be feeling something you view as extremely positive but are unaware of why you are feeling it and are puzzled or troubled by it.  There are some emotions we just don't want to feel....or perhaps if you are comfortable with a whole range of emotions.....there may be ones that you may not want to feel at this particular time. “Im too busy right now”…..”I don’t want to feel this attraction”…..”I need to be clear and grounded right now”..”Im tired of personal growth”….”I’m just too tired”…..… Why are you feeling this? Why now? What’s it trying to tell you? What messages is it whispering to you….or perhaps, screaming for your attention and response.  One client, extroverted, gregarious, someone people rely on to keep the energy high and lively…..found himself panicked on his drive to an event that historically was a cake walk. Completely caught off guard, and feeling powerless to de-escalate the emotion, he stopped at a nearby parking lot. He used the techniques he learned in our session to de-escalate the emotion, just enough to take the edge off…..so he could be with his whole self, not just the self that moved into survival mode. This is what he learned……. He had been having strong connecting moments with the lead speaker in his program. He felt mentored by her, taken under her wing, seen and acknowledged for his gifts. The lead speaker had a special place for him and nurtured his dreams to become a star in the world of public speaking. Unbeknownst to him, he discovered that he was attracted her…..and today…..he would be leading the group. “Why the heck am I feeling this now?”, he said to himself. He didn’t want to disappoint her, he didn’t want to fall off the pedestal he felt he earned through his ambition, focus, dedicated time and energy. And.....he didn't want her acknowledgement and mentorship to stop. He felt finally seen and supported. Today, the lead speaker would be seeing him in a whole new light, in his mind. She would see the vulnerable side of him, the side that questions himself, questions whether he truly is made of the Star Speaker material the both of them have been working toward. His bar around excellence was unattainably high…..the one that says “You make one mistake and you are finished”. The one that says “I am not allowed to make ANY mistakes, Im not allowed to falter, stammer, appear as though I don’t know what I am doing “. This gentleman went to the event, led the group, questioned himself at times silently, privately, watched and observed peoples responses to his leadership. The Lead Speaker approached him at the end of the event, looked at him in the eye, took his hand and said “Im so proud of you. This wasn’t easy, not many people would step into this role, but you did it and I’m proud of you”.  "I was like a deer in headlights", he said as he was surprised by her response and acknowledgement. What took place after this event, was a great discussion in our session together about the message of this significant turning point in his life. He understood that when he is just being himself, he shines. When he steps outside of his body, disconnects from himself and the people in the group, he misses the mark. To be fully engaged and vulnerable is the winning solution. He discovered the freedom and power that comes from being fully and completely himself. And it’s gorgeously delicious and addictive. We are often taught while growing up, through direct or indirect messaging, that being ourselves just doesn’t fully cut it. We watch people, observe, perhaps study people, and make up conclusions about what makes one successful, popular, a teacher’s pet, desirable……and we conclude that either we need to contort ourselves to be ‘that’ and suffer a painful sentence, or conclude that we are not ‘that’ and perhaps pull away. For sure there are those that find their pack as they are, and thank goodness for those of us that did not fit into any of the traditional cliques…..but the high pressure prescriptions are hugely strong and forceful. Our young and impressionable minds believe what the powers that be say….or alternatively reject it. Either way, we are left with the question and perhaps the quest of believing that we are in fact good enough, if not magnificent, as we are. A suggestion, whether you love yourself or you don’t…. Take some time and examine...
Then take some time and assess this person….
Today, a man in my office discovered that who he has been in his 82 years of life, as lonely as he feels at the moment, and unsure if he will ever attract another female companion into his life, that he is a good, kind, loving, caring, gentle man and that his actions have been largely in line with that. He shed some tears, some good, comforting and most importantly knowing tears that provided him with the freedom to be himself and to stop trying to change..... to get what he wants. We are never too young and we are never too old to know and fully love thyself. I’d love to hear your answers {!firstname_fix} ….and any questions you might have. With love and kindness,  |
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