WHY THE HECK AM I FEELING THIS?

Have you ever had a rush of emotion show up, out of the blue, randomly…. that had you question what the heck was going on?

Totally caught by surprise, you are paying attention to the emotion…..it might be telling you “run as fast as you can”, “Im not ready for this”, “Im not allowed to feel this for him (her)”, “I can’t do this”, and alternatively……you may be feeling something you view as extremely positive but are unaware of why you are feeling it and are puzzled or troubled by it.

There are some emotions we just don't want to feel....or perhaps if you are comfortable with a whole range of emotions.....there may be ones that you may not want to feel at this particular time.  “Im too busy right now”…..”I don’t want to feel this attraction”…..”I need to be clear and grounded right now”..”Im tired of personal growth”….”I’m just too tired”…..…

​Why are you feeling this?  Why now?  What’s it trying to tell you?  What messages is it whispering to you….or perhaps, screaming for your attention and response.

One client, extroverted, gregarious, someone people rely on to keep the energy high and lively…..found himself panicked on his drive to an event that historically was a cake walk.  Completely caught off guard, and feeling powerless to de-escalate the emotion, he stopped at a nearby parking lot.  He used the techniques he learned in our session to de-escalate the emotion, just enough to take the edge off…..so he could be with his whole self, not just the self that moved into survival mode.  This is what he learned…….

He had been having strong connecting moments with the lead speaker in his program.  He felt mentored by her, taken under her wing, seen and acknowledged for his gifts.  The lead speaker had a special place for him and nurtured his dreams to become a star in the world of public speaking.  Unbeknownst to him, he discovered that he was attracted her…..and today…..he would be leading the group.  “Why the heck am I feeling this now?”, he said to himself.

He didn’t want to disappoint her, he didn’t want to fall off the pedestal he felt he earned through his ambition, focus, dedicated time and energy.  And.....he didn't want her acknowledgement and mentorship to stop. He felt finally seen and supported.  Today, the lead speaker would be seeing him in a whole new light, in his mind.  She would see the vulnerable side of him, the side that questions himself, questions whether he truly is made of the Star Speaker material the both of them have been working toward.  His bar around excellence was unattainably high…..the one that says “You make one mistake and you are finished”.  The one that says “I am not allowed to make ANY mistakes, Im not allowed to falter, stammer, appear as though I don’t know what I am doing “.

​This gentleman went to the event, led the group, questioned himself at times silently, privately, watched and observed peoples responses to his leadership.  The Lead Speaker approached him at the end of the event, looked at him in the eye, took his hand and said “Im so proud of you.  This wasn’t easy, not many people would step into this role, but you did it and I’m proud of you”.  

"I was like a deer in headlights", he said as he was surprised by her response and acknowledgement. What took place after this event, was a great discussion in our session together about the message of this significant turning point in his life.  He understood that when he is just being himself, he shines.  When he steps outside of his body, disconnects from himself and the people in the group, he misses the mark.  To be fully engaged and vulnerable is the winning solution.  He discovered the freedom and power that comes from being fully and completely himself.  And it’s gorgeously delicious and addictive.

We are often taught while growing up, through direct or indirect messaging, that being ourselves just doesn’t fully cut it.  We watch people, observe, perhaps study people, and make up conclusions about what makes one successful, popular, a teacher’s pet, desirable……and we conclude that either we need to contort ourselves to be ‘that’ and suffer a painful sentence, or conclude that we are not ‘that’ and perhaps pull away.

For sure there are those that find their pack as they are, and thank goodness for those of us that did not fit into any of the traditional cliques…..but the high pressure prescriptions are hugely strong and forceful.  Our young and impressionable minds believe what the powers that be say….or alternatively reject it.  Either way, we are left with the question and perhaps the quest of believing that we are in fact good enough, if not magnificent, as we are.

A suggestion, whether you love yourself or you don’t….

Take some time and examine...

• who you have been to others,
• what are your general intentions
• what do you believe in,
• what are the strongest of your values/what do you stand for,
• what do you want.

Then take some time and assess this person….

• is this a likable person or an unlikable person?  
• Are the answers to these questions ones that repel or attract people?
• Who am I at the core?

Today, a man in my office discovered that who he has been in his 82 years of life, as lonely as he feels at the moment, and unsure if he will ever attract another female companion into his life, that he is a good, kind, loving, caring, gentle man and that his actions have been largely in line with that.  He shed some tears, some good, comforting and most importantly knowing tears that provided him with the freedom to be himself and to stop trying to change..... to get what he wants.  We are never too young and we are never too old to know and fully love thyself.

​I’d love to hear your answers {!firstname_fix} ….and any questions you might have.

With love and kindness,