Are you here by accident or by design?
What I mean by this question and to help you go deeper, is ……
Your Truth perhaps?
The next time you find your mind reelng out of control, whether it’s in Anger, Disappointment, Hurt or making “To Do” lists in your head, ask yourself these questions. Write them down. Start writing down the answers, fast, ….perhaps at first they will be angry or hurting answers…..but as the energy neutralizes…..you will find your wisdom, your truth.
The Kaballah, an esoteric method, discipline, and school of thought, originating in Judaism……..asserts that a seed is always planted for any one and all of our circumstances, whether moments ago, or 30 years ago. Resting your cell phone on the back of a public toilet (instead of taking the time to put it safely away) might land your phone in the toilet, a seed planted a moment ago ( a silly example I know, but it has happened to some of us for sure). Investing in an Retirement Savings Plan or Education Savings Plan will reap you the rewards you have 30 years later (however little or large).
Some seeds take longer than others to come to fruition, and if we look hard enough we can find that ONE or MANY seeds that brought us to our circumstances. They come in the form of decisions, beliefs, words, actions and more.
Saying “good morning” to the staff at your morning coffee stop may land you a free coffee some morning. Acknowledging the eyes of a stranger could land you best friend, a lover, or a connection to someone you used to know many years ago.
The wonderful part of this conscious awakening is that you are now in a position of CHOICE - you can see the seeds before you, like a rack of spring seeds at your local market. The pictures on the front of those packets, are the pictures of your life. If you take the time to imagine the vision you hold dear for your life, you can pick out the seeds that will reap those experiences and outcomes. No different than planting and designing a garden that will give you the beauty, bounty, and shelter that you are looking for.
Intention is key here……being acutely aware or conscious of what it is you are sowing. Every time we hurt someone we teach them that they can be hurt by us. We teach them to hold back, to withdraw, to attack. Every time we dare to look at our bank account, we are able to make decisions that secure our financial future, with few if any surprises. Every time we choose to eat nutrient rich foods, the stronger and more resilient our bodies and minds become.
Not too long ago, I found such an example from my own life. I planted a seed in the form of a belief, long before I was even developmentally interested in a romantic relationship, however its fruit showed itself to me in my first long term relationship.
My learning by example, was to make my relationship priority over all else. To serve, to please, to be with “him” as much as possible…..to focus, till, cultivate, sow regularly. As the relationship progressed through its natural stages, specifically, past the honeymoon stage…..I stayed stuck in this belief. I couldn’t understand the reduced focus and attention on my partners part. This belief didn’t just apply to me in the relationship, but to the both of us. I felt betrayed, let down and hurt that he began to become focused on his own life. I wanted more, and felt empty and unattached.
That progressed to anger, resentment, bewilderment and the creation of another belief…….that he didn’t care about me (at least not in the way I wanted him to).
It took some time, but with great introspection over
……had me come to one of the greatest “aha moments” of my life, and not without some suffering along the way. That “aha moment” was “MY LIFE SOOOOO MATTERS AND CAN BE SO REDICULOUSLY EXCITING IF I JUST DO WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY.”
My life required equal focus, cultivation, sowing, pruning, weeding……and not just for short term. At that moment, the entire garden became visible and I could see what needed tending to. I could see myself compelled to, attracted by, a full life of work, hobbies, projects and social life of my own design. It would involve all the things and people that I love, that inflate my soul, that make me laugh and smile and connect with the world and myself. There would be no divisions, no detachment, no loneliness and finally no more pining and suffering.
If you don’t take responsibility over your own life satisfaction, and focus on what you have control over instead of what you don’t……you will continue this pattern of hope, wish, desire……leading to hurt, disappointment, anger and resentment.
Important questions came up…..
Do I really want to live this life of unconscious repetition…….of a drama all to familiar to me? (Ancestry)
My mother and father lived out this theatrical play all their lives - being born in the 20’s, with a strict and regimented recipe for relationships, living abroad away from family and supports…….they made each other and their children their lives.
I still remember the goosebumps I felt when I realized I was following their footsteps, creating the very same drama with this old partner of mine. How incredibly unconscious our wiring is, no matter how conscious we are becomming….there is always more to be found. And the heavy burden of responsibility to make me happy was an unfair one to my partner.
So…..back to the original questions……
When we tell ourselves, that this crisis, this hurt, anger, disappointment……is not supposed to be happening…..”Why me”, “I never asked for this”…..we are resisting some of the best teachers, the best lessons of our lives. We are inspired by these profound insights in movies, books…….in victories over struggle from our friends and family. We are one of them, our lives run the same course.
If we look at these challenges as our truest, dearest friends who are trying to make us uncomfortable enough to motivate us to make changes for a better life, then we may not resist……..and in fact, we could just finally surrender to the abundance it has to offer.
To answer these questions, we need to go to that place of knowing within ourselves. That place that says “Yes, he or she is right for me”, “No, I will not partake in that activity and collude with __________(fill in the blank). “She/He is that friend I can trust with my life”, “I will never agree with my child using________(fill in the blank again).
We have this deep place that resides in all of us. It’s what has us still here on this planet, individually and as a race. Whenever we have faced danger, perceived or real, we move into action and place ourselves out of harm’s way, even when we didn’t know how.
I would just like to share one more illustration here and I hope you get to look at your own life in this productive way.
Recently, a client shared with me that he wrote an initial assessment into a Summer Academy. On this questionnaire, one item asked if he had missed extended periods of school. He went against shared advice from family and friends, and truthfully answered. He stated that he had, due to insomnia and depression. He explained to me (at age 21) that he strongly values accountability and authenticity, and hiding this on the questionnaire would be a lie he could not live with if he were accepted. Without knowing it, and just maybe without conscious intention, this young man “planted a seed”……creating a life in alignment with his core values. Should the academy accept him, he will not need to hide. He will be spending his valuable time in a setting that accepts and embraces all that he is. He can allow himself to be seen, he will be at home at his work, and all his colleagues will relate to him accordingly.
It was an honor to work with this young man. He reminded me of this beautiful wisdom, and honored me with the presence of such at his young age. What a Victory!!!!
There is a reason why you are where you are. If you are feeling stuck, the reason is that there is a beautiful life changing lesson around the corner.....always...just ask these questions, and see what answers flow through your pen....fo you to witness and behold.
Have a beautiful day dear reader::))
Testimonials from Lillian's Clients
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